Bagged! (Literally)

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!
I saw a news article last night after my usual poast (great comments BTW) about that fucking Satanic Nookular Headcase that the Xiden Administration put in place as a 'thumb-in-the-eye' to well, everyone.  Sam Brinton... y'all may remember I did an in-depth on this particular fuckwad a while back before Goolag kicked me to the curb.  An -obviously- mentally ill fag who's into dressing up his 'partners' in leather Doggie-Fetish gear and fucking them in the ass was declared the "Bestest Evvar Deputy Assistant Secretary of the Office of Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition" who got the appointment.
So, most folks had hoped that that would have been the end of 'it' i.e. they mad us flinch, we took our two, and called it a day.  Then yesterday evening, this story on Fauxnews came out HERE  Seems our 'puppyfucker' had a case of 'light fingers' and got caught out.  I saved the link for today's story, as I ackchully was going to just make a short mention of it.

However, man, I dunno what's going on but THIS was the HEADLINE of the Daily Fail this A.M.:
Of alllllllllllllllll the shit in the world going on and this thing is the biggest news evvar!?!
The old magician trick of distraction.
Do I really give a flying fuck-all about some sodomite puppyfucking degenerate getting caught stealing fucking luggage?  Uh, that's be a hard no.  Which immediately raises the hackles up... 

"What are they trying to hide now?"

Answer me that 'un and hey, we can get rich doing Stonk Markit Prognostication Aye?

Yeah.  Bit odd on this one.  Yeah, he got caught.  Which in itself isn't surprising.  Fucking asshole literally prides hisself on sticking out like a wart on a bridegroom's dick (or a pox on a doggies anus, dealers choice) but this guy is wholly incapable of not being subtle.  And stealing a $2500+/- bag?  And claiming it was an 'Oopsie!'... nah, shit ain't going to fly.  I mean one thing to grab the wrong bag, a totally 'other thing' to keep using the same bag over and over and then getting nailed to the wall and going "Oops!"  Nope... Hell, I regularly grabbed the wrong duffle when offloading off of some civvie AND DotMil flights... had to very carefully check the name to make sure I got the right bag, especially since MY gear tended to be of the extremely large-sized stuff, and hard to come by in-theater.

Now they want to prosecute him?
Man, talk about going after a special protected class.  Sodomite to the 'Nth' Degree.  DemoncRat.  Public Official.  Only neg he has is he theoretically is a Whytte "male" and the secondary part of that is questionable at best.  Wonder why they're so intent of bagging this goy?

So, anyways... guess we'll see what new disaster these fuckers have in store, 'cos when the Magician starts waving something over here I want too, nay need to look over there to see what the fuck is coming.  Guess it's a wait-and-see thing now.

I did promise one thing:  A minor yet somewhat humorous story about my time in Rakkasanland.  Reason this came up was I joined the Association recently and the Secretary wanted to ask me a couple of questions.  Now, thing of being a Rakkasan, it's sort of like being in a gang of sorts.  Even if you're not particularly fond of a guy in your unit, yer still a Rakkasan.   Even guys you've never even met, if you're wearing a Rakk T-Shirt (as I frequently do) or my Ballcap, other Rakks'll come right up and we start jaw-jacking.  Same goes with the Association Secretary I spoke with, Erik.

Never met the guy in person, never spoke with before.  It was old home week though and we started telling old stories about when we were both in.  His time was late 80s.  During the call I asked him a question that if he'd ever heard of "...the Rakkasan who got caught with an AK-47 in the trunk of his car during a Health and Welfare?"  He was all like "Oh hell yeah!  Guy's a Legend... guys like that are what makes the 'Rakk Rep' what it is!"

Reason I asked him was I was that guy.

Yup.  True Honest Injun Hand-to-God that was me who got caught with an AK in the trunk.  Bit of a story behind it.  How it happened was that it was like a 3? maybe 4 day loooong weekend.  Back in 96.  Bosnia was on everyone's mind.  Back then, cellies were only for officers and the like who could afford the $2 a minute cell phone charges.  All of us?  We had beepers.
THERE be a memory from days gone by Aye?

Yeah, almost everyone had a pager/beeper.  Otherwise when you were on the Alert Cycle, (I think it was Red Cycle?) if you didn't have a pager, you had to call into CQ and let them know where you could be found in case of a callup.  Royal pain in the ass, so everyone had a pager.  It just made sense.  So, 4 day weekend equaled HUUUUUGE party.  

Also meant I might be able to get some trigger time.  I had me a Norinco MAK-90 that was legally registered on post.  
I have to reiterate that part: The Army knew I owned it and it usually 'lived' in the Arms Room.  Except on weekends like this.  I paid like $300 for it brand new... (Quick Aside: the prices on this are fucking insane on Gunbroker... go look for yourself!)  Stamped Sheet Metal Receiver, Thumbhole Cali-compliant Stock.  Total Chineseum but hey, an AK nonetheless.

I signed it out for the weekend on the off-chance there'd be some range time on top of the whoring and boozing.  Best to be prepared for the weekend either way.  Sooooooooo  fast forward to Sunday night.

I was curled up with a lil hottie from the 801st Main Support Battalion, one of our support elements that'd been demonstrating the "Front Leaning Thrust/Rest Position" and the "Reverse Cowgirl" for funsies when my pager went off.  At first I was like  "Ok, who's pinging me at 0200?"  It was when the other guys pagers ALL over the house started going off we realized that  "Aw shiiiit, there goes the weekend."

When the chicks pagers started going off, we went from annoyed to concerned.  When the guys who weren't Rakkasans from OUR unit but whom we were friendly with, when their pagers started going off, it became a mad scramble/chaos.  What the fuck is this?  World War Fucking Three!?!  Some of my bros who were getting pinged were Combat Engineers from the 326th, and that was an entirely different brigade!!! (1st BDE "Bastogne")

Shit got reel-reelz in that half the guys, specifically our Mexican Contingent were damned near in a Tequila induced coma.  Not enough drivers...  We ended up stacking bodies in the cars like cordwood.  I stuffed like 4 snoring dudes in the back seat, while Miss 801st road Shotgun with another cutie sharing her seat as we barrel-assed back to the Main Gate (Gate 4 back then).

We weren't the only ones... 0230 AM and man, it was insanity.  Every. Swinging. Richard. was making his/her way on base like their asses were on fire.... Clarksville Cops blocking major intersections to allow us to get back to base on the fucking double... I'm amazed no one was fucking kill'd.  They didn't even do the standard ID check, just waved us all in ASAP.  We dropped off our cargo, and then raced to the barracks.  

Now, as we were leaving my bro's house, well, I faced a conundrum.  I had the AK in the house, but as we were about out the door, I realized that if the 'balloon was truly going up' that the last place I wanted to leave my rifle was at Jo-Jo's crib.  It was in, at best, a sketchy part of town, so at the last second, I tossed it, the spare mags (6 of 'em in an East German splinterflage pouch, all fully loaded) and my spam can of ammo on top of the spare.  I was rolling a 1979 Bright Orange Camaro fast back, so I didn't have room for much else in the trunk, never mind any comatose Mexhicans.

When we got to the barracks, everyone was told to "get in PTs and get to the day room now!!!!"  We did so, only to find out what the hubbub was.

Come to find out, two assholes from the 501st had been issued the new body armor.  The new-new at the time which became known as the Interceptor.  Said assholes, drunk as fuck and more than a little lower on the GT level than they should have been, went and got their illegal and unregistered handguns, and subsequently shot each other while wearing the vests.

Which worked.  BUT 
The gunfire?  It alerted CQ that there were two assholes being asshole with illegal guns in the barracks

So, General Keene had a Division-Wide recall issued.
Specifically looking for weapons.
Health and Welfare... complete lockdown... Rooms to be searched as well as all vehicles on post.
Yep.  I was oh so screwed.
Big Army doesn't care about you.
I knew I was toast
Even talked to my Platoon Sergeant to whom I explained the situation to, well, he was his usual supportive self: 
"Oh yeah, you are so completely fucked." 

Seriously though, I knew it.  Nothing could have been done.  If I had brought the rifle in with me as soon as I got out of the car, I would have probably been hemmed up with someone thinking I was going to shoot up the place... what I did was the prudent thing which was to leave it in the car, let the dust settle, -then- go and get it, and check it back into the Arms Room.  In reality?  Nosofuckingmucho.

I had fun with it.  There's something liberating knowing yer 'going to the gallows' so to speak.  I did not give a fuck at that point.  When they searched the car, I kept telling the Officer (some LT I didn't know) that he needed to start with the trunk.  He kept insisting I was hiding something in the cockpit as I was so insistent.  Yannow, sometimes a duck is just that.  A duck.  Not to this moron though.  The LT was going full stupid even wanting to go inside the zipped on seat covers...  

The E-6 with him whom I had a passing acquaintance with (they had Bravo Company doing our guys and our Occifers and NCOs doing another company so there'd be no covering up fuckery going on) well, that E-6 knew some fuckery was going on, if only by my reputation for it in the Battalion.  I kept grinning and telling the LT "Just wait til you get a load of what's in the trunk!"

The look on their faces was epic.  The NCO kept yelling for the LT with like a crack in his voice... and the LT was standing right next to him the whole time.  The other guys, who'd all been waiting 'cos they knew the score, were high-fiving me for such audacity.  Total and utter shock, combined with realizing the rest of their weekend was out on it's ass what with the paperwork that was going to be needed to be done.

Long story, but to finish it, I really didn't get hammered.  A minor Article 15... 10 days extra duty.  Word is "the Rakkasan with the AK" went allllllllllllll the way up to the Gen'rul's desk.  When the specifics of what exactly happened that it was legal and registered on post, just a 'wrong place/wrong time/wrong circumstances' they couldn't burn me at the stake like they did a WHOOOOLE lot of other jokers... seems there were quite a few gangbanger wannabees and weapons they did find, so that more than made up for my fuckup.

Still pretty cool to know I'm literally a Legend in the Rakkasan Lore now.

Good enough for me.
More Later I Remain The Intrepid Reporter
Big Country


  1. Every unit legend has a name(s) attached to it. Like, for example, certain members of security assigned to Commander Fleet Activites Okinawa (is on Kadena AFB) doing after hours CQB training, in the security office, with airsoft guns. Those dudes went up to see the Old Man and got hammered.

  2. All kinds of stories from government work. Pretty good one.

  3. My dad told me the best legend story I know of. Sailing home from Korea, stop in Malta, after 13 months of no shore leave he and a couple buddies got shitfaced and stole Aristotle Onassis' yacht, but turns out he was still asleep in it, so they kidnapped Aristotle Onassis. The Captain talked the cops into letting the men go aboard to 'get their paperwork' to make the cops' jobs easier, and after that the ship being American Soil, the drunks couldn't be retrieved. At captain's mast the next morning, my father got Restricted to ship and transferred to another destroyer that was headed back to Korea, where he spent another year with no shore leave until the ship got shot up enough to get sent home. All in all he spent over 2 years with just 5 hours ashore.
    30 something years later, my sister was transferred from NAS Atsugi to stateside, and the base commander asked how my father was and that my father owed him for standing my dad's watch the next morning because he was so hung over.

  4. Lord of the Fleas29 November, 2022 20:34

    Wellp, this ignorant furriner was going to ask, "WTF is a Rakkasan, anyway?", when I figured a little research was in order. And Lo, the answer was found. Quite the story, Tori ! (Always fascinating to learn the history of various units, no matter what the country.)

  5. Lord of the Fleas29 November, 2022 20:40

    Oh, and WRT the puppy-fucker, that's just another case of the Demon-rats rubbing everyone's nose in it. A case of "You think THAT was fucked up? Get a loada this... And there's shit you can do about it." (Just sittin' here waiting for things to go SNAP, Boss.)

  6. They threw this mope under the bus as eye candy news. Then ignore Brazil and China. Ukraine is dwindling down in coverage also. So get lots of folks all riled up over the obviously insane creature and think only about that over drinks.

  7. BCE~ You had Angels watching over you. So how many of the Persons having carnal knowledge ended up with a visit to the Doc for possible STDs ... Red

  8. Sounds like the general was a treasonous piece of of communist shit. I could be wrong though.

  9. I was in before you were and I made quite the reputation for meself also... LOL
    really don't care to tell the story as it is a bit embarrassing... yeah Article-15....


    1. Hope it was a field grade Arty 15, company grade is wuss stuff...

  10. Dude, 1989 Ft Bragg, health & welfare (just our unit), I was a single NCO living in the barracks (single room about 4 steps from the CQ desk).
    Formation, announcement of the festivities, and the inspectors dispersed to the bays to begin. I walked up to my CO and said without preamble " Sir, in my desk drawer is a loaded 1911."
    To my utter surprise he said: "Go right now, secure it in your vehicle le, and never let this happen again." Nothing else was ever said. I'm STILL amazed.

    1. funny, back in 1979 I was moved to the room very close to the CQ desk too.
      it seems after the tennis ball cannon problem and something about a roll of flaming tp flying across the compound got me moved there , ?
      and got to work in the arms room. they wanted to keep a eye on me. I was short and didn't give a damn. the old west Berlin days.
      you know it takes 11-13 cans of pledge to shine the turret of a M-60 tank ?
      just one of many jobs one got on extra duty.

  11. At least we'd get 24 hrs notice before a health and welfare at Ft. Carson. They had to, otherwise the whole battalion would be in the stockade. I bet we had as many personal weapons in the barracks as issued weapons in the arms room. Everyone had a pistol, and some had rifles and nobody registered them, as nobody trusted the MPs. One buddy had two Devine, Texas M1A's wrapped in a blanket under his bed. If I only knew then what I know now, I'd have figured out how to wrangle one of those away from him.

    I kept a storage locker off post for most of my stuff, and when we found out a H&W was coming, everyone would ask to store their stuff in it. It would literally fill up in an hour or so with weapons, ammo and booze. During one inspection, an E5 friend of mine walked into my room and showed me a frag he had in his pocket that someone passed to him before it could be found. He never told me who had the frag, though. I think they went out into the forest later that week and set it off.

  12. Easy method for quick baggage ID...
    Wrap some brightly colored yarn around baggage handles.
    Lotta bags on the carrousel but what are the odds anyone else having magenta handles

  13. True story about legends...
    There I was at K2 in Uzbekistan in 2002. We were inside the SF Compound separate from the main Army/Airfield. It seems that the Base SgtMaj had reports that there were violations of Order #1 (NO DRINKING, NO ALCOHOL) inside the SF Compound.
    So he took his six wheeler up to the Battalion Commanders office and went inside to read him the riot act.
    The Bat Commander assured him that NO alcohol was anywhere near his troops.
    Where upon the relieved SgtMaj waked back out to his six wheeler,
    Where someone or group of someone's had helpfully marked off his parking spaces with a dozen or more empty bottles of booze.
    (Insert laugh track at this point)
    Sgt Maj is heard going ballistic by goat herders from two countries away.
    It seems everyone knew the H&W inspection was coming as they found literally nothing after three days of searching.

    MSG Grumpy

  14. When someone comments "Your Momma dresses you funny" I know they weren't thinking about that creature. Who would have thought that red rip stop nylon would be used for that ensemble along with some old monster flick costume. Red

  15. That Berkeley dude, straight up criminal psychopath. That type always are. Not just sociopaths but full blown psychopaths. Even in Berkeley those guys are considered really scary fuckers. That bad. While the Pelosi "midnight guest" is just a typical Telegraph Ave street crazy.

    I'm getting a real Twink scene vibe from Little Miss Uncle Fester. He looks like the type who befriends and grooms runaway kids and then rapes them. Just like Harvey Milk did.

    Now the really interesting question is who the Big Political Donor is who sponsored Little Miss Twink Raper for the Admin position. The guy has zero professional qualifications for the Fed position so that means it was a payback for some very big political donations by someone. A pure pay to play. At least six figure. Maybe seven. As always, follow the money and who knows where it will lead. Absolutely guaranteed its somewhere very interesting.


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